Thursday, September 30, 2004

Now Presenting GODDAMMIT! the musical. A chronicle of my bad day.

Curtains open on a dark bedroom. our heroine lies in bed, reposing, when suddenly a ginat mechanical snail enters and cheerfully blares a loud japanese midi instrumental.
Snarling, our heroine beats the snail on the head until it stops, then flops down on bed again, and moans pathetically for several minutes before singing the first song: Oh Fuck, it's Morning Again.

"It's morning, it's morning, it came without a warning. I try to sleep but the sun is evil, it wants to burn my flesh."
Chorus: AhhhhhhhhhAhhhhhhhAhhhhhhhhOoooohhhhh
"Dammit dammit dammit, take your fucking cheer and jam it where the sun don't shine - I wish it wasn't here."

Bed wheels, away, revealing a skanky looking train car. Heroine makes quick costume change, pulling off oversized pajamas to reveal a green velvet dress, ala Lord of the rings. She does her hair and train car set continues to wheel on. heroine is surrounded by passengers in suits, students, and several obviously smelly people. Cue fog machine for smell effect.

Heroine: Fucking bus. Fucking train. (deliberate song cue)
Chorus of passengers begins to hum.
"The CTA never goes my way, gotta wait gotta wait and the damn things always late. Where's a seat? OW! Watch my feet. I'd like to beat that guy with the loud headphones"

Loud headphone guy gets up and dances badly. Other passengers rise with fake smiles. Cue bad white boy dance number, complete with jazz hands.

Lights down.
Lights up on lighting class.

Our heroine enters a classroom which is lit by blinding flourescent lights. The room is cold (fog machine) Other students rool on in chairs, shivering visibly and looking tired. The teacher enters and sings about lights.

"Lights are bright, Lights are nice, look aren't they pretty?" students moan in chorus
"Darkness is so overated, so if you want to get graded,
you'll all have to light a show. here we go!"
Well choreographed look of panic.

Walls of classroom break away and fold out to reveal the costume shop. lights dim, and spot comes up as our heroine sings the heartrending "I don't want to be here" song.

"I don't want to be here, I'd rather be in bed. I don't want to be here, just stab me in the head. Oh make the pain all go away, and please God send me home today, I'd rather just go home and play then beeee heeeeerrrrrre."

Evil wheelchair bound villain rolls on as loud wind noises are heard. She is wielding an orange jacket that looks like a rug and cackling with glee. behind her, the costume shop sings the Hurricane Frances song:
"It looks like we're gonna be blown away, Hurricane Frances hits today. She decimates all that she touches, runs you down with her chair, you'll be on crutches. She is the definition of pain...look out, it's a hurricane!"

heroine enters looking glum. Villain rolls up and plays nice.
"Can you finish this jacket? I only need you to rip the whole thing apart and sew it back together again so I can rip it apart and you can sew it back together again...again." Villain ties heroine to sewing machine with thread and lobs jacket at her.

Music from I don't want to be here is heard as heroine looks glum and a large clock descends from the ceiling, the hands moving quickly.

Suddenly, Shop Tom, in the supporting role as shop manager bursts on the scene singing "it's time for class"

"it's time for class, time for class, time for class, so move your ass! Go go go get out, before you have another doubt. "
Shop tom does a little dance and dances off as the scene changes. Lights fade.

Lights up on a classroom full of loud boisterous actors in chairs. Heroine is in the middle, looking tired and annoyed. Entire classroom bursts into a big song and dance number called "TEXT ANALYSIS, WHHHHEEEE!!

Chorus: text analysis wheeee, this is the class for ME! And Me! And Me! AND ME! We love to listen to ourselves all talk, at deafening decibels we love to squawk. We love to act, we don't shut up, and that is why we saaaaaayyyyyy........

(actors form big kickline and grab heroine, pushing her around between them)

TEXT ANALYSIS, what a trip! We think that drama theory is really hip!

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