Wednesday, February 28, 2007

So, until I can make myself a new journal - which perhaps i should work on today, I'll be spewing more into here. Let's face it - therapy is brutal.

I was all knotted up inside, so i decided to get vicious with some egg cartons i was collecting for paper making....and shredding the hell out of them while projecting all the crap that's been bugging me onto them was terribly therapeutic.

We could have, and perhaps should have voted yesterday, but didn't make it to the polls in time. looks at the tallies though, it didn't seem that we would have made much of a difference. Our intent with voting at all was to vote all the incumbents out, because we're sick of the monarchy.
So, either a lot of people feel just as disenfranchised as us and didn't bother or forget, or Daley must have bought some new palm grease.

It becomes so apparent to me that people are terrified of change - whether it's personal or political. So one wants to interrupt the apparent comfort and stability - least of all do those in power want to upset their status quo. So, on top of a grwoing mountain of festering dung, this grand palace facade gets built, and it gets added on to. And everyone pretends that no one smells the garbage underneath that continues to grow in size, and everyone ignores the fact that the trash problem is coming straight from the palace.

once again, facades.
Untangling the knots of a big chained necklace - you think you have part of it unraveled, only to find knots in other places. you are in fact undoing the mess, but it certainly doesn't feel like it. It's a fight almost, and sometimes you want to give up. But you want to wear the damn necklace, so you have to undo the mess you have made.

People don't want to really see themselves, because they are terrified that what they have made themselves to be is completely false - and they'd be right. there's nothing worse than realizing you're not who you thought you were, who others think you are, but when it comes down to it, it's better that you find that out so you can dump it and figure out who you actually are. if no one can accept you for your actual self, then they are not worth your time, and they have their own demon in the mirror to confront.

I woke up today after having slept well, with actual joy and contentment and hope.
At the moment I'm a little angry, a little anxious. But that's nothing that a little exercise and healthy venting can't deal with.

I'm tired of the pilot light getting blown out. If I have to have a warrior mentality for a while to keep it lit, than so be it.


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