Tuesday, August 27, 2002

I have done, for the first time in years, a successfully rendered drawing. I am very pleased with how it turned out. I hadn't touched my art supplies for the longest time because of a severe lack of motivation and depression. Sitting behind a mechanized box doing what is supposedly art for 3 years (i was a graphic artist in the field of publications) IN AN OFFICE literally drained me. I suffocated...I stopped drawing, I stopped dancing, I was barely eating, not sleeping, and i stopped doing webpages as well (that should be a hint right there).

I found that the 9-5 world of corporate hell was not only debilitating but dangerous for me. I wound up getting sick every other month at my last job...and I am someone who rarely gets sick. I was stressed out to the point of having horrible neck pain and I was vaguely suicidal on top of it. All because I'd had 4 years of art/fashion training that was getting me nowhere and I was stuck in a couple of dead end jobs which were about as low on the creative ladder as you could possible get. Graphic art wasn't art to me...and for the most part it still isn't. I was so separated from what I was making. There's a world of difference between picking up a pencil and sketching, as opposed to manipulating a mouse on a screen.

Basically, all I was doing was layout. Just finding existing pictures, proofreading text, picking a font...none of which were particulalry exciting... and putting them together in ads for truck drivers, nurses and salesmen. If you've done one ad for truck drivers, you've already done a lifetime of ads for truck drivers.

I was miserable. And it only took me 2 years to realize I was doing the wrong thing ENTIRELY. So I left to go back to school. And now, in my off-time for school, I have reaquainted myself with all the things I used to love to do like sewing and webpages and drawing. Just knowing that I can still turn out a decent piece even after years of not drawing makes me feel good. I wish I hadn't given it up.


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