Thursday, November 21, 2002

ok, so now I'm awake enough to properly rant. Mostly because I'm as bored as dirt, and just as challenged by gravity. But I am listening to gotterfunken by it's not all bad.
Been surfing in my boredom, rather aimlessly typing things in, came across some amusing articles about dancing in clubs, and a rant against the Chicago scene, among other things.

I've been pondering on all of it, and realized at this stage of my life, I really could give 1/4 of a shit about the scene. I came from a smaller city with a more intimate scene, with the usual politics, backbiting, gossip and general shit that I really could have done without. Nonetheless, I made friends with many people and most of them were the ones who really were interested in the music/dancing instead of the whole fashion parade/ soap opera kind of crap. Not that they didn't exist, I just avoided them. But, in a scene that small it's hard not to hear about all the stupid rumors and gossip. So, I came to Chicago hoping to make a fresh start.

Chicago is not the friendly goth mecca that some people and/or websites make it out to be. It's a big city, full of a lot of people who feel like they have something to prove. On the whole, people are a lot colder here and it takes longer to make friends. It took me a year to really find a group of people I could identify with, and basically I'm friendly with group that all stems from a bunch who went to college in Peoria....recently I realized there really are quite a few of them.

It's different then before...the people I hang with now aren't so much for clubbing, or even dressing "goth" and that's just fine with me. They are easy to be myself around, aren't constantly absorbed into the latest sludge about who slept with who or whatever trash talk is floating around. We like a lot of the same music and movies, etc. Some of them know some of the gossip, yes. But for once I'm on the fringe and enjoying it.

I've found that I really have little interest in getting involved at all in the scene here, beyond getting to know the names of the DJs at Exit so they will play my occasional requests. The "names" in the scene...which as far as I can tell are just DJs and event promoters, aren't really all that they are made out to be. I've been around them and their crowd a little, and I haven't seen anything that makes them all that spectacular of people. Many of them are devout alcoholics, mediocre DJs, and are too caught up in either themselves or the supposed "scene" facade.

I'd already witnessed enough goth staring contests and gossipry back home. The last thing I want to do is get involved with the social food chain of a city this size. Fuck that. I'm already haggard from the pointless fashion nazi attitude and popularity contests that should have been left behind in the halls of high school. I'm not on any scene related lists anymore. No more flame wars, or informative threads turned into personal conversations/debates about some unrelated topic.

While I haven't had the energy to make it out enough, I tend to inhabit a club which apprears to be unpopular among the "scene" crowd. I feel comfortable in the seedy, biker bar atmosphere, there's less social bullshit - such as people staring at you because you are or aren't wearing a certain thing-, and the music has more energy. I like a portion of goth, but I'm far happier with harder electronic and guitar industrial. I avoid Neo, which from my experiences of being slowly pushed off the dancefloor, the large crowds, bad music andother people's stories of been "sized up" by the locals just isn't worth my time. I can never make it to nocturna, which is an ok night but it's on a tuesday. Went there once, was fun, but no good if you have to wake up in the morning. Plus, there was some of the "social food chain" element that could be felt. not so pronounced as at Neo though.

I have no desire to get involved with many of the people who are entrenched in the Chicago goth scene. I'm antisocial by nature, and to wet my toes in the gutter puddle of chicago goth/industrial madness means being more social than I'd care to pretend to be. Better that i know a few good people than many shallow ones. I'm comfy with being unknown, spinning like a gyroscope in my dark little patch of dance floor at Exit.

Sometimes I think I'm just outgrowing the whole club thing....but my problem is I love the music too much, and I love dancing as well. I think if anything, I've outgrown the attitude that I should care what anyone in the scene thinks of me because of how I dance or dress or what music I listen to. At this point, making new friends in this town means being friends with them because we have common interest in the music, dancing or art and not because they ARE someone or they know someone.

ok. that's enuff for now. i'm worn out and I have food stupor from baked goods.
currently feeling bloated to: electronic challenge vol 3


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