Monday, June 30, 2003

Rant 3.0


I have been a lot more spiritually minded lately, and have joined a couple groups which are made up of different people from all kinds of religious backgrounds and spiritual beliefs, but there is a cohesive bond and way of thinking/traits that makes these people able to indentify with one another. the groups are set up as a very caring, supportive forum for people to share stories, exchange ideas, and learn.

I was wary of joining at first, not sure if I wanted to get involved as most groups or mailing lists I have gotten on have suffered from severe politics - which I CANNOT stand, so I withdraw. but I thought realistically about it....this list is just a forum. You'll learn something from it if you join, even if later you decide you've outgrown it. It's not like you're marrying it. So, I took a chance and joined a couple groups.

I must say, I've been opened up to all kinds of new info, and some old that I'd forgotten about. I've also read some questionable things, but as I'm on a quest for truth I have been able to filter out what is obviously of no use to me.

The list is the friendliest I have ever been on, and for the most part very supportive....

Until lately. Sadly, the supportiveness has been giving way to politics and arguments as you'd find on any other list. As a bunch of humans are posting, this is to be expected. however, I just am frustrated that this group is giving in to some of the very tactics which they preach against at times. They don't listen to each other, then don't read carefully enough and misinterpret, they take things personally, they feel the need to correct one another.

I just get ruffled when a list that promotes itself as loving and supportive can't even obey it's own morals. There are some really good people on there, who are very positive even when things have gotten icky and they are sometimes able to turn people around, but all the same this list has the same shortcomings of any other.

Part of me is just very sad about that. It's a rare thing when I can find a forum where I can feel free to share things I normally don't or wouldn't and get some good feedback and learn about myself at the same time.

The list is full of a group of people who all share a common feeling of being odd, misunderstood, eccentric, and they are bonding together to share their experiences feeling this way because they all have something in common.

I could be talking about a goth/industrial list, but I'm's the same damn idea though. I'm not currently on any gothlists that I would bother checking because the politics always rears its ugly head.

Even groups of freaks can form a caste society of the elite....this list is no different in some ways as it does tend to be cliquey.

So, I have to realize what i told myself when i joined. I'm not marrying this list. It's just a tool. When there is nothing more for me to learn, when there is nothing left that I am able to get out of it, then i can leave.

I just get aggravated that something set up as a supportive community of like minded people is so often dragged down by the actions of some of its members. be it churches, clubs, or online lists, it's all the same.

I've always felt like a freak among freaks, that even among my own I will never really belong. Maybe that's not such a bad thing sometimes.


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