Monday, November 25, 2002

Well, the weekend was pretty decent....
Have to get the place in shape before Mike leaves so I have less work to do and can get proper rest and recreation.

Anxious to have some time to just bury myself in art for a while.

Is it wrong to think that some relationships just won't work? I have a limited number of truly close relationships, and quite a few people I consider friends. There are none to be speak of where there is much of any struggle, arguments, etc. Usually, the people I am the best friends with have no trouble understanding my sense of humor, or my odd and off the wall as they are most of the time. I am not by any means the picture of social perfection. I grew up shy, and was around few people for most of my childhood. Throughout school, I had maybe one BEST friend up until high school. I spent most of the time by myself, in my own head imagining and creating things to amuse myself.

I'm still shy, and in large groups of people or in uncomfortable situations, I clam up. Some things I never outgrew I guess...and I'm learning that again this time around in school as it takes a while to warm up to people.

So, I'm not the best communicator, obviously, but I try. It's hard to talk to someone with the proper words when you aren't good with them and images and thoughts come more easily. I don't readily share my feelings, in fact I hide and bottle a lot of them and only a select few even hear them...usually they have to be drawn out of me unless I am so upset or overflowing with emotional buildup that I need to spew them out or else channel them into other mediums - like art.

Thusly, this blog. Much like my empire of webpages, it keeps my sanity.

There are some people that have difficulty understanding me and we butt heads, or else they dislike me in the first place. I've been careful over the years about who I've let in and who I haven't, not always as careful as I should have been in some cases and I've gotten walked over a lot before. Basically, I have felt that no matter what I do, some people will always dislike me, or continue to misunderstand me because they don't know how to listen to me the right way, and because I can't seem to use the right words to satisfy them.

While relationships aren't always happy, I am not someone who believes in trying to perpetuate a realtionship that is struggling to high degree. I am easily sapped of energy and easily upset...continuing on in a cycle that remains uncomfortable doesn't make sense to me and causes more stress that gets ingrained in me.

argh. class. more spew later.

KMFDM Tribute now playing.....


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