Monday, September 09, 2002

I should know better than to say that my word for the week is going to be catharsis. I've had a very heavy weekend. And I've developed a lovely case of insomnia and ever spreading back pain. I've opened wide one situation and settled another, in both cases getting a load off of me that I've been carrying around for quite some time.

One thing i've realized, is that I do not get along with virgos. It just doesn't work, and I'm developing a track record for it. Consistently I have been over analyzed, misunderstood, and miscommunicated to. And it's hard for me to communicate back because I never know the right things to say, and even if I think I can find the right words, they never seem to be good enough. I don't see how such a mundanely logical kind of person can correctly communicate with someone as opposite as me. I have yet to get it to work right. Somehow, i think I never will get it to work.

So maybe I just have to face that no matter how I try, I'm always going to be less than what they expect, and there's always going to be a gap there. Maybe some people aren't made to get along.

I can see whith the end of my weekend, that this is going to shape up to be a fucked up week. With the impeending 11th, I feel a lot of tension and discomfort in the air, although I don't have a sense of danger like last year. Just sadness. If anything happens during this week, I would hope that people would drop the stupid shit that they argue about and fight about and kill each other for just to turn around and see that there are better ways to settle differences. If people actually take the time to listen to each other, and communicate well and respect each other, then things can be changed and common ground can be reached.

I'm so tired of people not listening, and not trying to see another's side, and thinking that they are always right even when they are not. It happens in families, it happens in countries...and when people butt heads without consideration for others then ugly things happen.

I'm sick of the ignorance and stupidity and blame that causes people to be pitted against one another. The world was not meant to be like it is now. We haven't really come all that far in the thousands of years that we've been here. For all our "technology", and all our "evolution", we are still the same predjudiced, warring, hateful, inconsiderate people that have walked the earth since the earliest times. We just find newer creative ways to string people up for public torment, cheat people out of what they own, and blaspheme ideas that were founded with good intent.

On the same coin however, we still have hope. Just how many of us and how that compares to the past, I can't safely say. But hope is still here. And I hope, that somehow, in my own small way, that I can at least make some difference in either giving people hope or laughter or enjoyment. I would like to think that the number of us who are seeing things as they really are and are ready to change them is growing. I guess we'll see....especially this week.


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