Sunday, September 08, 2002

It's 5 something in the frickin morning and I can't sleep. I can't get comfortable, and I can't get my brain to shut up long enough to relax and drop off. Worst part is, I'm absolutely exhausted. Not like I have to go anywhere tomorrow, but i don't plan on sleeping all day either.

I am so fucking sick of this insomnia. I used to have a waterbed several years ago, and had to leave it behind as I switched apartments. So now I'm stuck with a mattress on the floor. I havne't had enough money to get a real bed. And the only real bed I want is a waterbed anyhow, or an air mattress. I never had insomnia when I had my waterbed, nor did I have back or neck problems the way I do now. Sleep is a struggle half the time. I never get the rest that I should. I was really tired earlier today and I took a nap, but didn't get to sleep for over an hour after I laid down to rest.

I have yet to find a sufficient way to get myself to sleep when this kind of shit happens. All the crap that's been on my mind has only been provoking this kind of mess. Sometimes I wonder if it wouldn't just be better to let myself go crazy from sleep deprivation. If it wasn't for the fact that my dreams are as interesting as they are (and often more fulfilling than waking life in many cases) I'd say fuck sleep all together. It's not like I'm getting much of it these days anyway.

I'm a ridiculously light sleeper too. Mike can pass right out at the drop of a hat. If he tosses and turns he's asleep already. It makes me jealous to have to watch as he sleeps while I do nothing but struggle and throw pillows around the room. Maybe we just need a new fricking bed. I can't stand this anymore...I'm so wiped out.


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