Thursday, September 12, 2002

Why is it so hard to let some things go? Why hang on to feelings that really bring no benefit or make no rational sense? Maybe it's that there is some comfort in them, twisted as that may be. Perhaps there is some unfinished emotional business to deal with. All the same, the whole situation is silly. Spinning on and on and going nowhere, feeling haunted, not understanding why certain feelings are there or how to curb them. I sometimes think that perhaps I just need something to fixate on, especially in those times where I don't have any specific focus to absorb my mind. But my silly fixations annoy me. I know that this behavior must be part of how I am, but I am not very accepting of it.

I am tired....my back is hurting again. Here I am, facing the last day of work this week. I haven't been very good at keeping up my exercise schedule. If I don't exercise when I get home today, then I'll be very much falling off my routine. I'll admit, I am lazy...especially in the last couple weeks. Feeling drained. I could use a nap already and I've only been awake for a couple hours. I spend too much time thinking and tiring myself out. You'd think I'd learn. I'm not always good at doing what is good for me..otherwise I'd have a much better grasp on what is going on with me.

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