Tuesday, September 24, 2002

Our society is so bent on instant gratification. Everything now, everything easy. Quality and variety take a backseat to immmediacy anymore. Because of this, and because of my observations of the prepackaged food industry, I have come up with a theory about the future of our food. Eventually, all food will be manufactured in the shape of toast so it can easily fit in the toaster. Everything. Steak, lettuce, ice cream, milk, everything. after all, it's insanely easy to just pop things into the toaster...if you can get past the agonizing 30 sec. wait for the damn thing to pop up. (Web pages load faster than toasters work...perhaps our wonderful technology can improve that)

I have also determined, after having noticed the amount of food products that come in flavors totally unrelated to the actual product, (buffalo wing flavored potato chips) that all food is going to taste like pizza. Few people dislike pizza...it's such a universal flavor. In order to get kids to eat the new age toast , it needs to be a bright color, so it will be dyed blue. Blue is a popular color for food these days, as now you can not only get slurpies and butter in this color, but french fries as well.

Essentially, this blue, high tech, pizza flavored toast lump will be made of tofu and unsaturated fat, to quell the health concerns of the general public so cholesterol will no longer be and issue...plus, it will bridge the food gap between your average meat eating human and vegans.

So there you have it..a politically correct, colorful, chunk of fast food matter that will be easy to distribute and could very well end the problem of world hunger.. But what should we name it?


ah... how easy. I know. How about "SMURF".


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