Friday, July 09, 2004

Which Pirates of the Caribbean character are you?

this made my day. :)
damn quizzes.
can't I get paid for doing these?

You are the most universal mythical beast ever. Sightings of the unicorn have been reported from all over the world, even in modern times. Unicorns are pure and incorruptible. In China, unicorns symbolized gentleness, good will, and wisdom. Christianity links the unicorn with Christ. It is said that unicorns would only allow virgin girls to see them, let alone touch them. They were easily lured into fatal ambushes by a virgin with some poachers waiting for the unicorn in nearby bushes. A unicorn's horn was a highly prized possession, which was reputed to have great healing capabilities. With the touch of its horn, a unicorn could bring back a person who had been dead for several hours. But when separated from the unicorn's body, the magic was significantly reduced. The unicorn had the body of a horse, a unique spiraling horn, and a lion's tail. They were pure white in color.

What mythical beast best represents you? Take the quiz!


See what amusement park ride you are.


Which PPG are you?

who didn't see that coming?

What school subject are you?


What's you Livejournal Icon?
This fun quiz by make_me_shine - Taken 651 Times.
New - Dating Advice written by YOU!


Which Random Image are you?
Favorite Color
You are:
This Quiz by Reaper - Taken 113609 Times.
New - Kwiz.Biz Astrology and Horoscopes

well that's irony for you.

According to the "What Weather Phenomenon am I?" quiz:

My forecast says you'll check it out! Click here!

yeehah!'s just one of those days. Granted, I'm enjoying the thunderstorm while my window is open. Cranky.

Job situation still irking me. Found a job yesterday that would have solved my job dearth for the summer after guys and dolls is done....but my vacation falls on opening weekend. That's a no-go if there ever was one. I did something nice and recommended it to a friend who needs work, she got an interview. i imagine she'll get the job. So, I'm happy for her, but disgruntled for me as usual. I figured, ok, the job really wasn't for me to begin with. If only I had noticed the dates more carefully I wouldn't have bothered to respond. But what frustrates me most is I could have done it, I was perfectly qualified, and I got a call within an HOUR of my email to them.

That never happens to me. EVER. That's what bugs me most of all. After months and years of sending stuff out to here and there, I actually find someone who WANTS me, and extenuating circumstances get in the way.

Mind you, I am NOT throwing away perfectly good vacation time, especially where we're going, and after a year or more of madness Mike and I deserve some nice time away from here.

I just kinda feel like a tool...I don't mind helping my friend, as it is I'm going to be hiring her to help me sew stuff soon anyhow, but I just wish I hadn't been placed in the middle of the transaction to become upset about it. I really wish there was someone who had the kindness and connections to do that for me more often. I got lucky with this current job, but that's not enough to keep my unemployment fears at bay.

I just hope that what goes around really does come back around and someone will help me for once when I need it most.

At this point I'm not counting on getting anything else for this summer, although I'm still trying. It's getting halfhearted at this point. Who is going to hire me on for only a month and a half -minus a week?

I don't think graphic design is going to get me anything. It might have been a good idea to try for, but I think people look at my resume, see I'm in school for theatre and go...well why the hell is she looking for part time graphic design then? And I also wonder if the fact that the last time I did anything professionally was almost 4 years ago has something to do with it. I don't know.

I'm doing my best to enjoy this break, trying to get involved/caught up in things I never had time for during school: cooking, sewing, cleaning, webstuff, surfing around mindlessly...
It's just so hard becauseI've been so driven to do things - constantly, that I feel like I'm wasting time by doing things involving rest or hobbies.

Nonetheless, I'm still stressing and complaining about jobs. I don't know what to do about that. Worry and patience are not friends, but worry comes over here to drink more often.

The only way I'll really get over this is if I apply somewhere I actually want to work, and get hired.
Not easy, and not an experience I've had much of.

I've had this wicked day dream of creating a resume that, while humourous, embodies my feelings and misgivings about the job market and they way people are treated as prospective employees in this country - based on my experience of course.

We could start out with qualities:
Yes, I am a frequent daydreamer, I believe that busywork is absolute bullshit, I can serve customers, but I'd really rather not because there's always that one asshat that wants to make my minimum wage position out to something important, I watch the the clock often in anticipation of going home, I dislike boring meetings that don't apply to me, and although I am fluent in corporate-ese, I will not speak it.

Let's see...well, I've been alive for 20 some years, that should count for something, I've had many opportunities to look like I cared about my company, I have countless hours of lunchtime experience, and then there's the veritable years I've spent trying to get out of the stupid ass jobs I couldn't stand into something less stupid.

No, I'm not bitter.... I'm Guinness EXTRA STOUT.

Which sounds good right now oddly enough.

The reason I have such trouble with work and jobs (apart from my apparent inability to get them), is the whole premise behind why we're even working in the first place.

It's costs money to live.

How stupid is that. I should have been hit by a truck a long time ago, in that case, cuz I'm sure as hell not raking in anything.

So, seeing as how we have to PAY to be alive (oh what a privledge), we must be productive, musn't we? yes, yes. Make shit and sell it to people who don't want it. Sell sell, buy buy.

Can't just sit there and make pretty pictures if no one is going to buy them, get up and work at that food counter, there's only ten hundred hungry cranky over sugared consumers waiting to hassle you for a fucking donut at 5am.

It's apparent to me that I've just opened the bile duct - and it's on HIGH.

Work just makes no sense to me. If you're going to get paid, because you have to give out little worthless pieces of paper (or intangible numbers) in order to exist, then the least you should be able to do to be productive is do what you were born to do and are inherently good at, right?

Here's me, in 3rd grade, being told by my best friend that she'd going to be a chemist when she grows up. What do I want to be? an Artist. She says they don't make any money.

This, in 3rd fucking grade. Ok, fine. Didn't stop me. I kept doing art. Unfortunately, it's what I'm good at. I'm not great or stupendous, but I'm good enough at it to impress some people, anyway.

So fast forward to now, when it's SO apparent what I am supposed to be doing with my life, and I'm still faced with the same 3rd grade sentiment and view of art.

Fine, I won't make much money. I was warned of that at the age of 8. Now can I please do what I'm good at?
No, you have to move to another city.
No, you need connections.
No, there's just nothing for you right now. Sorry.But it's ok, if you get hungry or something, just chew your arm off. You don't use it much anyway, do you?

Bile bile bile.

I sometimes wonder why and how artists still exist at all. Some of them must just get lucky. And then, like any good king, they don't retire in their wonderful glorious jobs, no, they DIE there. So no one else can ever have them.

The End.

Now, a story about pushing a witch into an oven.
Damn kids, get off my lawn.

Wednesday, July 07, 2004


Here's a blob.

Adopt your own useless blob!

Warning...I am ill with the plague and all I have been doing today is puking personality quizzes up all over the place.


My inner child is ten years old today

My inner child is ten years old!

The adult world is pretty irrelevant to me. Whether
I'm off on my bicycle (or pony) exploring, lost
in a good book, or giggling with my best
friend, I live in a world apart, one full of
adventure and wonder and other stuff adults
don't understand.

How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla


Faeries are sweet loving beings who love to help
people. They are not held back by reality and
love to dream and fly around. You probably are
very creative and although not the most popular
person in the world you are probably loved by
many for your sweet caring personality.

What Mythological Creature Are You (Many Results and Beautiful Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla


Congrats! Your a Pure Angel! Angels, as far as most
of them go, are all compatabile creatures, but
Pure ones simply are symbols of God. Pure
Angels always appear when a child is born, when
a rainbow is seen, or when someone shares their
first kiss. They never grow old, an can appear
in the shape of a naked woman with white, bold
wings. Pure angels are the carriers of god, and
show their love to everyone in the world.

What Kind of ANGEL are you? (For Girls only) This Quiz has amazingly Beautiful Pictures!
brought to you by Quizilla


Your soul is OPTIMISTIC. You tent to look to the
brighter side of things, and your positive
outlook on life makes others happy. People love
your open, unassuming nature and your innocent
belief in good for you, the grass on your side
of the fence is always greener. You are rarely,
if ever, pessimistic or doubtful, and you try
your hardest to make life the best it can be,
for yourself and others. You are a joyful and
radiant soul.

What Is Your Soul's Trait?
brought to you by Quizilla

??? what the (BEEP) was that? optimistic?


Steller Goddess
You are Ji Nu!

A Chinese stellar goddess. Charming, inquistive,
and a dreamer.

Which Chinese Mythological Being Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


I'm a Water Spirit


The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to Purgatory!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Purgatory (Repenting Believers)Moderate
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)Moderate
Level 2 (Lustful)Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous)Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)Moderate
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Yay for purgatory! Who wants cookies?

(wow, I must be really sick to be puking numbers)

You're an INDUSTRIAL Goth! You love 'dem hard
beats and spend most of your time at the
nearest club. It's also a strong possibility
that you're a computer geek.

What kind of GOTH are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

it's all goth crap from here on out...

Cyber/Industrial Goth
Cyber/Industrial Goth

What Kind of Goth Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

You're a Perky/Cyber goth! You love plastic
clothing in bright colors, and know how to have
fun, even if it means that some Goths will hate
you for it.

What kind of Goth would you be?
brought to you by Quizilla

Yet Another Goth Test

I AM 53% GOTH!
53% GOTH
Oh My Goth! You Goth, Girl. There is a good chance I am bi. Freakiness pumps through my viens, but I can still laugh at myself.

You're a perky goth! You have a more positive
outlook on life, and are not afraid to use
::gasp:: colors. Yay!

Are you a goth?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are semi-gothic
You are semi-goth

Are you a gothic Diva?
brought to you by Quizilla


wow. I gotta not eat so many couches before bed.

Sunday, July 04, 2004

Wonderful. One night with 4 hours of sleep. Last night - batting zero. Granted, alcohol earlier in the evening - along with serbian coffee- really doesn't HELP promote sleep, but by the time my evening was over I was tired and ready to go to bed.

Well, my body was. My mind apparently has something against the idea of sleep.

This folks, is the joy of insomnia. Insomnia and I are becoming fast friends, especially this weekend. We've been friends since I had to get up at stupidly early hours on weekends back in high school to work at a donut shop.
Besides being the bane of my existence, that job proved to me that A. I am NOT a morning person and B. I don't care how pretty peopl say sunrises are, it's hard to appreciate the beauty when your eyes are red and wanting to shut.

Stress is most definitely the cause of my current affliction - and I thought I was handling stress farily well recently. Of course, i must have been wrong because I'M NOT SLEEPING. And now the stress of not sleeping is making me even more stressed.

So, at the moment, unless I fall dead asleep operating machinery, I'm going on full deprivation to try and get myself exhausted enough to just fucking crash.

It's nearly 7 am, a time of day that, should I have insomnia, my body finally likes to give in and go to sleep. This is always convienient and fun during school because that's usually the time of day I'd be WAKING UP.

Granted, I have a long holiday weekend and no solid job that demands my awakeness at such hours, but it's really messing with my mood and health, and I can virtually guarantee that I will be very dysfunctional soon.

Don't think I haven't tried to avert my insomnia, but the traditional milk/chamomile tea kinda stuff tends to not work all that well when you can't get your brain to shut the fuck off.

Valerian root seems to help...but only when I've been taking it for a little bit and that's hard to do at 5am when you're already tired.

I would love nothing better than to be left alone and let sleep for 13 hours straight. The worst part about being awake is being conscious. There is no mental rest. You can't escape from the strife of the day.

I really don't feel like thinking right now, but since I can't fall asleep, laying there trying for another two hours seems a waste of time.

yes, I have tried and am able to medititate and do relaxation exercises - I'm just really sucking at them.

I have never been able to figure out how to get my brain to shut off when in a state like this - especially when nothing in particular seems to have set me off.

I have general life stress, which is nothing unusual at the moment. No pertinent events that are overly stressful are coming up. Which is why I'm that much more annoyed. I don't even have a good reason to still be awake and suffering.

Worst of all of this, is having a partner who can sleep at the drop of a hat. I've always been a light sleeper - which doesn't help. If i'm not in a comfortable position, with little or no movement around me, not having to run to the bathroom, with the right amount of white noise, it could take me an hour to fall asleep. The more stressed I am, it gets worse. there have been times when I have dropped right off, but on the whole it usually takes me about a half hour - that's an average.

I don't see the point in taking sleep aids- I don't want to be dependent on drugs to help me sleep, especially when i know that bad episodes like this don't happen THAT often...or maybe they do....

I'm sure I could make a doctor's appointment and mention my troubles, but it's not like I don't already know what's wrong with me and why. What more can a doctor do but prescribe something that's only going to make a difference if I actually have bad insomnia after I visit? And, with my track record of getting an illness and then making a doctor's appointment - as soon as I do that, the illness goes away.

So, yes, I am rather angry at the moment. My body is fucking exhausted. The annoying thing is that even though I know that, that during my nightly wanderings it DOESN'T FEEL TIRED. I'm starting to feel it now. Isn't that nice.

We're tired. put us to bed.
Yeah well, I'd love to, but you see I have this problem of

I love sleeping. It's one of my favorite things and as much as I love eating I sacrifice food before sleep when in a bind. Food gets pooped out. Dreams are fun and interesting and a wonderful escape from conscious life.

So, being that I'm tired and can't sleep, I have to now compensate for this somehow. That means I have to eat more. Great.

And in the meantime, I'm going to be super bitchy once the tiredness really hits.

Another bad thing about insomnia is the passage of time. it just goes on and on, dragging even though you may stare at the clock and see the hours flipping by. Then it all just becomes a big blur.

The best way I can describe this feeling is like being in prison - now, i've never been in prison, but the feeling of constriction and entrapment is what I'm trying to communicate here. There is no immediate escape from my surrounding, no sense of peace, no rest. Just watching the rest of the world have what I can't.

Loneliness is also a big part of insomnia. I know there's lots of other people out there with this problem - far more than there should be - but when you are STILL awake at 3am when you went to bed at 10, you really wish that in your misery there was someone who could help or understand what you are going through. But there isn't, because everyone else is - you guessed it - blissfully asleep.

unless you're a gamer.
Kudos to you gamers who willing embrace not sleeping, but I could never consciously chose such a lifestyle. it would result in much carnage.

So yes...the world is fast asleep, and you're somewhere on the border of a crying fit- hoping that maybe just bawling your eyes out in frustration would exhaust you enough to put you to sleep. Sometimes, it does.

Here's a good way to sum up my feeling about insomnia.
I am not a patient person by nature.
yet, in not being able to sleep I am forced to do the worst kind of waiting - waiting for myself to shut down.
Perhaps this is my punishment for not being patient sometimes - I wonder.

But that's the worst part, truly. Waiting to go to sleep, and having no idea when it's going to come, and for how long, and if you;re going to be able to achieve it again once you do get there.

Hurry up and wait.
Wait for the clock to change. Wait for the sun to rise. Wait a couple more hours, maybe then you'll be tired. Wait till after work, then you can crash. Wait til the milk or valerian root kicks in.

The reason I'm so impatient a lot of times, is that I'm so often forces to wait for things that are rather vital to my well being - like sleep.