Monday, June 30, 2003

Rant 3.0


I have been a lot more spiritually minded lately, and have joined a couple groups which are made up of different people from all kinds of religious backgrounds and spiritual beliefs, but there is a cohesive bond and way of thinking/traits that makes these people able to indentify with one another. the groups are set up as a very caring, supportive forum for people to share stories, exchange ideas, and learn.

I was wary of joining at first, not sure if I wanted to get involved as most groups or mailing lists I have gotten on have suffered from severe politics - which I CANNOT stand, so I withdraw. but I thought realistically about it....this list is just a forum. You'll learn something from it if you join, even if later you decide you've outgrown it. It's not like you're marrying it. So, I took a chance and joined a couple groups.

I must say, I've been opened up to all kinds of new info, and some old that I'd forgotten about. I've also read some questionable things, but as I'm on a quest for truth I have been able to filter out what is obviously of no use to me.

The list is the friendliest I have ever been on, and for the most part very supportive....

Until lately. Sadly, the supportiveness has been giving way to politics and arguments as you'd find on any other list. As a bunch of humans are posting, this is to be expected. however, I just am frustrated that this group is giving in to some of the very tactics which they preach against at times. They don't listen to each other, then don't read carefully enough and misinterpret, they take things personally, they feel the need to correct one another.

I just get ruffled when a list that promotes itself as loving and supportive can't even obey it's own morals. There are some really good people on there, who are very positive even when things have gotten icky and they are sometimes able to turn people around, but all the same this list has the same shortcomings of any other.

Part of me is just very sad about that. It's a rare thing when I can find a forum where I can feel free to share things I normally don't or wouldn't and get some good feedback and learn about myself at the same time.

The list is full of a group of people who all share a common feeling of being odd, misunderstood, eccentric, and they are bonding together to share their experiences feeling this way because they all have something in common.

I could be talking about a goth/industrial list, but I'm's the same damn idea though. I'm not currently on any gothlists that I would bother checking because the politics always rears its ugly head.

Even groups of freaks can form a caste society of the elite....this list is no different in some ways as it does tend to be cliquey.

So, I have to realize what i told myself when i joined. I'm not marrying this list. It's just a tool. When there is nothing more for me to learn, when there is nothing left that I am able to get out of it, then i can leave.

I just get aggravated that something set up as a supportive community of like minded people is so often dragged down by the actions of some of its members. be it churches, clubs, or online lists, it's all the same.

I've always felt like a freak among freaks, that even among my own I will never really belong. Maybe that's not such a bad thing sometimes.
Rant 2.0


I should be more excited about my wedding. Sometimes I am, don't get me wrong, but I really get aggravated by all the planning. We've been dragging our feet when we weren't busy, and now we're really behind. Granted, we're getting stuff done, I just can't stand the work.
There is something to be said for a ceremony, but part of me could really care less beyond that. I know I will enjoy getting to see lots of friends from out of town at the reception, but it's hard to enjoy that thought at the moment. I just don't like all the expectations and pressure.

Getting married should be a lot simpler, really. It's gotten to be such an overblown, out of proportion...mess.

Toss most of the traditions. No brides have dowries these days, and most of the traditions cost more than the average person can ever hope to deal with and not drown in debt. As i am already drowning in debt, I want one less thing to worry about paying for. Also, a lot of the traditions that i'm throwing away are also meaningless/ or superstitions. I don't see the point of a garter and I'm sure as hell not letting anyone try to crawl under my two layers of heavy skirts to get it, as they will liekly never come back.

I could give a shit about the idea of a bachelorette party. I don't go for naked greasy men that i don't know, or even that I do know. And it's not like you need to do much to get me drunk other. Looking at a pint of guinness across the room does that just fine.

bridesmaid dresses. peh. the idea of making people buy them and match each other, all whilst looking like a bunch of discombobulated prom poodles with ass tumors suspiciously shaped like bows is inane. the idea of birdesmaid dresses half the time is to make the maids look BAD, thusly, making the bride look better.

receptions can be fun. unless you know you're paying for them. I'm sure it will be fun, after I look at that pint of guinness across the room, but only after that will I look at the bill.

honeymoons. that's where the real fun starts. you leave the wedding, forget about the extravagant money you spent on one night of your life, and take it easy for week with your new mate. maybe you even leave the hotel room to go eat.well, we'll be in new orleans. to not eat there is some kind of sin I think.

basically, the moral of wedding planning is...I need a damn vacation. I work hard, and work hard and work hard and design shows and go to school and clean things and make dinner, then I do tons of wedding stuff....I'm tired NOW. I want my vacation. That's really what it boils down to.

I never much liked going to wedding when I was younger, not that I went to many. It was just.....I don't know. A lot of hoopla for an event that didn't seem to inspire anything in me. I never had dreams about a storybook wedding or a dress 20 miles long or a limo.....

I just knew I wanted to get married someday, and that was happy enough with that. I'd still be perfectly happy eloping or having a tiny ceremony and no party afterwards, to be frank, but having a wedding is my compromise with my mate. It's more for him than for me, although I am sure there are parts of it that i will find meaningful.

You know, it really blows being a non traditional person sometimes. Not that I can help it a whole lot.
I do what I can. I'm doing my best to cope with the frustration and the expectations and all the work....

but I'll be damn happy when it's over.

just send me to new orleans already.
Rant me some Snog Mr Piano Man....
This hooks onto my last rant.

I am quite sick of the sales driven, consumer society that we live in. It's not that I don't own and even enjoy material things, and I occasionally feel the need to own a new CD, BUT....

Material things are just that. Things. They are things that you own which more often than not, own you. Sadly, in our society, everything has a price. Money exists as a necessary evil. Money is also a worthless scrap of paper or chunk of numbers that has a meaning only because human beings have put a value on it. There's a reason why Confederate money is worthless, it is from a bygone age that has no value in our present situation. And yet, our currency of today, at the heart of it all, there is really no difference bewteen it and confederate money outside of the importance we impose on it.

So, we become a society that revers the dollar and the magic it can command. People start to rank each other according to how much money they possess. There are some people who actually buy into the idea that earning a higher salary than someone else makes a better person, or being able to purchase large expensive items makes them more likable. While this may seem cliche, it's true in many aspects for many people unfortunately. Or, there are other people who get so attached to their lifestyle of accumulating material items, whether it be cars, kitchen supplies, furniture, etc, that when a blow does come to their cash supply and they can no longer afford their lifestyle they get bent out of shape.

Our society is so overrun with messages of consumerism. Ballparks that should have actual names are named after corporations now, ads are plastered all over every bus, billboard, tv screen and radio frequency. Everywhere you turn, someone is trying to sell you something, and buy YOU in exchange for their product.

Humans have become a commodity. Companies vie for their money, very often under the guise of wanting to supply them some service or product they NEED, but what they are really doing is securing a source or revenue that will continue the existence of their company, and keep trying to come up with more things that their customers will buy to keep the money flowing in. Think of all the credit card companies who come up with more features that you can buy to add onto your card that offer you protection, or this or that. Think of any of the extra services that phone companies or car companies will add on to get you to spend more.

Salesmen are trained to sell us things. They are trained to weedle into our minds, find our weak spots, and turn them against us so we'll say yes instead of no. That's why it's required for some restaurants cashiers to push dessert or fires with that grease laden burger. That's why you can't just reinstate your credit card when it expires, you have to hear a sales pitch written on a script that the customer rep is being paid to read.

I could go on and on about this and just get more pissed off, but suffice it to say I was not put on the planet to buy things, and I'm damn sure that no one else was either. I do not exist to consume. I must consume some to survive physically, mentally and emotionally, but that does not mean I need a cell phone that can play 12 mediocre pop songs at decibel levels that could wake babies in the next county.

I'll sick of people trying to sell me shit I don't need. If I want or need something, I'll find out if it exists, and I'll buy it. I don't like unwanted products being shoved down my throat. I don't enjoy being shoved into a marketing segment and being used as a tool. The whole idea is very dehumanizing and really really sad.

Cue Snog.
Rant #1 - I don't feel like retyping my whole rant on cell phones and corporate policies, but let me just say this:
a phone that was purchased 2 years ago should not be considered obsolete. I hate this whole plan for technology to come out with a product that becomes useless in a predetermined span of time, forcing one to then go out and buy something to replace it instead of being able to get it fixed or re-using it.

This kind of occurence happens with clothing every season of the year. it's called a fad, or a trend. Trends are basically plyos by designers to get people to believe that they need to own "this season's look" and that your current pair of ...whatever you're wearing is SOOOOO YESTERDAY. It's a plan to sell people shit that they really don't need.

Technology is no different. in fact, it's taking the same damn pattern. but a brand spanking new computer, and as soon as you do, the thing is obsolete.

I'm ranting about this because I had a cell phone, and I let my pre-pay minutes run out because i use it for convience and emergency, not because I need to talk really loud on the train, or attach an electronic leash to myself so people can get a hold of me when I'm on the toilet.

I wanted to reinstate the phone so Mike can use it as an alternate phone to call employers and help himself get a new job. Although at first I was told it would work, after severla managers and other phone calls, the salesman said my phone could not be reinstated with the pay as you go plan. I would have to purchase a $100 phone in order to even get that plan.

To which I said, NO. I already have a phone. I'm not dropping that kind of money on something I barely use. My original phone didn't cost anywhere NEAR that much. wasn't so much the fact that they COULDN'T reinstate my plan on my phone, (my phone was in the system) it was that they wouldn't because someone in corporate made the decision that my phone was obsolete, and that they'd reather have more revenue by getting me to buy a new phone, or, since my credit was SO GOOD, that I should sign a contract.

Just because chocolate is good doesn't mean I bathe in it and inject it into my veins. Likewise, I had no desire to waste more money I didn't have on a phone plan that was not conducive to my way of life. Screw you US Cellular and your promises of customer service.
So, I actually took time to make a long complex, emotionally charged blog entry yesterday, and what does blogger do? It poops. it chokes. it wants me to fill out a form. Apparently, my entry was too long for it to handle?

Rather dumb, as I've posted lots of extensive rants before. So, I guess from now on I'll be posting clusters of smalelr rants, starting now.