Thursday, December 04, 2008

Winter is a time of reflection. Symbolically, as well as being a time that is frickin cold and unabiding for those of us unfortunate enough to not live somewhere warm and humid as we would like. So, considering the obvious indoor entrapment, aside from the fact that I'm bloody tired because I have neglected to give myself the rest I really need ( and the fact that things being what they are with the current situation leaves other choices limited at present) I've decided to make better friends with my subconscious. Instead of just having tea daily and chatting over lunch, it's going to become a live-in roomate.

Well, not that my subconscious is any sort of stranger. Some people read books, watch TV, play video games. I have a hard time cultivating hobbies as of late, so as I relearn how to do so, I'm going back to an old favorite. Sleeping and dreaming.

It's not like I couldn't use more sleep.
And hell, sleeping and dreaming are free.

Nevermind that, even with the occasional bad/annoying dream and sometimes nightmares, I always find that the outside world tends to pale in comparison. As a child I was lucid frequently enough while dreaming to realize that I wanted to bring things back from the dream world with me- and tried to just as often. Never quite worked. Not the actual objects anyway, but they would never function properly here anyhow. Dream physics doesn't correspond to outside rules.

This is not to say that I haven't brought things back. Ideas, thoughts, and symbols a plenty. All kinds of intangibles. Some of my best times have been spent trying to figure out how to bring the same sparkle to the material version of these intangibles, but some things just work better on a subtle plane.

Perhaps on one level, it's a little sad (or it makes me a little sad) that I find dream life more rewarding than most things I've found here. I have been blessed with a severely colorful, vivid, and very often lucid dream life, which I handle with as much consideration if not more than the goings on in waking times. It's taken me years, and is an ongoing process, but I am more fluently speaking and understanding the language of my own dreams without the trite help of supposed "dream encyclopedias" thanks very much. :)

I've had a recent bout of dreams with bathrooms, and toilets, and...things relating to toilets. i'm quite tired of them, but I at least know what the hell is going on. Last nights adventures were about fun and laughter...something I've sadly been missing for some time in the waking world.

Emotions are always heightened in dreams, so laughter to the point of painful tickling was rather welcome.

My biggest problem, as note before, is translating this stuff in a satisfactorally functional way into the material. Being an artist, you'd think it wouldn't be that hard for me.

HA. I'm decent at it often. Even very good at times, but that by no means makes it easy.

If I could invite people into my head for a party, I would, but I can't. I'd break fire code and get reprimanded.

I just wish I could get people to see the world in there, to communicate it better, to show them this land of opportunity that I see. Especially those who aren't as fortunate to have the dream life I have.

Anyone who says that dreams are just dreams, or aren't important, or they are just a garbage dump of the mind- BIG SALTY BOLLOCKS TO YOU. We wouldn't be having them if they didn't serve an important purpose. I wouldn't have so much experience with them if they weren't doing something important for me.

I don't have "everyday" dreams that often, if ever. That would be fucking boring. Even if they start out in seemingly normal circumstances, they never stay there for any length of time. while the control varies from dream to dream, I've had fun with all sorts of things like flying, changing my appearance, doing "magical" things, exploring, meeting strange creatures....

Stuff that only gets written about here by Neil Gaiman. God, would he be a friend to have. Maybe I should invite him to tea.

I walk a line that few people I know are even aware exists. I don't have to work hard to remember dreams. It's usually no different than walking from one room to the other and remembering where you just came from.

I would love to travel more, but I don't think I'll ever really get the opportunity to travel as I'd like here, so I take my vacations at night. Less luggage, no cramped airplanes, or let jag, or customs.

It's a little disheartening being awake sometimes. Wondering what to do with myself.

The best I can do here, is continue to figure out how to materialize the world that I feel more comfortable in, out here.