Thursday, November 03, 2005

OK, so I feel like bitching about stuff. I'm not bitching about anything I haven't prebitched about already so if you're not up for the usual bile go read someone else blog.

What's wrong? Well besides spending the last month sewing like crazy and working like crazy and having a crazy social schedule, I'm getting over being sick from too much stress from too many things to do. I'm not sewing stuff for anyone else anytime soon, and my social calendar needs tighter reins so maybe I can actually get stuff done that I've wanted to.

besides that, i think it all boils down to:

A. I don't like people. I'm just a really nice and often friendly misanthropist. Working retail and riding public transport on a regular basis will do that. I just wish people would go away. I get sick of having to talk to them, stand next to them, wait for them, etc. I'm a fucking antisocial loner and the less people I have to deal with, the happier I am. (Never mind that for the last month I've gotten no peace so I'm worse than usual about this.)

B. I don't like society/humanity and the way it operates.
I've said this before, and I'll say it again - society is full of shit. I feel like people are just playing this big fucking game every day, every hour. How so? Well, I despise the fact that humans STILL have this idea that we're CIVILIZED, or some other asinine notion. After centuries of murder, oppression, greed, stupidity, utter FAILURE to learn from our mistakes or even (god forbid) LISTEN to each other, we still think that we know what the fuck is going on and we're progressing in a better direction. In small ways, we are. But as a whole, we're still a bunch of fucking talking monkeys who think the idea of progress is to develop new expensive electrical gadgets to make our meaningless empty lives run more conveniently. Forget trying to treat each other with respect, we can't even schedule it into our busy palm fucking pilot existences.

When we're not consuming unrenewable resources, polluting the airwaves with the inane spewings of money grubbing attention whores or political suckerfish analysts under the poorly named guise of entertainment in our pursuit of escapism from our wretched monkey lives, we're eating ridiculous amounts of preprocessed swill that comes in colors and flavors which even cthulu wouldn't fucking eat. Then in a game of diet ping pong, we listen to these wonderful experts on making money from fad diet scams and believe that eating nothing but bacon will help us achieve that sought after Kate Moss cocaine addict physique so copiously advertised by just about any kind of media form you can pull out of your sore and sagging goat raped ass.

And let me tell you, I sure love all this fucking religious tolerance in the world. never say that organized religion hasn't done its job in letting us down by making us feel inadequate, threatened, constrained or hopeless in so many different ways. After so many centuries, could you all just fucking shut up and realize that you are just fucking splitting hairs on the subject of GOD which is something so big that no one can ever really define GOD properly and that killing /torturing/verbally abusing each other is completely going against anything GOD has in mind for you anyhow?

Oh yeah, and you atheists. Fuck you too. I hope you die and find your consciousness still in tact, and find that there IS something after death. And you're miserably disappointed by that fact for ALL ETERNITY.

Oh yes. and this idea of being an ADULT. Whose hand to I have to put through farm machinery in thanks for THAT crock of shit?
So, really, we grow up with this ILLUSION that adulthood is this GREAT and WONDEROUS thing, that we'll have more freedom to do whatever we want, that we can choose our CAREER and build this great life. And we're given a schedule. This schedule has things on it like (get good paying job. buy house. have kids. buy car. buy other things, they'll make you happy. save money to retire and then die, knowing your progeny will bury you someplace nice)

Sounds easy, right? FUCKING BULLSHIT. They don't tell you when you're 5 that you'll be in debt for school until you die, that you probably won't be able to afford having kids, that you'll have some many obligations and bills and tax payments that you won't have time for kids anyway. So, here. You're an adult. Here's this assload of responsibilities that you don't want, which you have to pay for working at a job where you basically do everyone else's bidding all day, so you can come home and turn on the box of incessantly stupidity and numb yourself to the consumer jingles which subliminally will plant unfounded desires for material goods in your head inbetween the drivel which passes for entertainment.

Is this all there is? every day the same thing over and over until you finally fold yourself up in your craftmatic adjustable bed (TM) until you die?

I despise the idea of work. I despise that we work for MONEY. A necessary evil that people hold up so high that they can't even see that it's the fucking sun glinting off their goddamn coins. I hate the fact that everything costs MONEY. That to exist in this world you must pay a price. A price to be healthy. A price to be educated. A price to be safe. A price to eat. A price to breathe. A price to think.

If we are truly in the land of the free, why does everything cost so damn much?

Consume consume consume.
Any aliens who are watching our broadcast TV signals have everyright to swoop down and eat us like cattle because look what they have to judge us by. We certainly aren't looking very smart, and we seem to eat an awful lot of shit.

My problem in a nutshell, I think, is that so much in this world has lost meaning. Actions, words, symbols. So many things are fucking hollow, shallow, forgotten even. So many things are taken for granted, so many holidays which had meaning have been warped by the commercial machine, so many words are just empty. Said without regard for what they really mean.

So many institutions have failed us. Our government, our religious leaders, our parents, our law enforcement, our heroes, our organizations.

It's not that I personally don't know how to find meaning, it's that I feel that I'm in a world full of sleepers who don't know that they are dreaming. The meaning has been sucked away slowly over time and no one has bothered to notice. they've all been too busy running around on their little hamster wheels, going nowhere in hopes of getting another treat handed to them.

I'm sick of it. So very sick of it.
I wish to fuck people would just get over themselves and wake the fuck up. Look at your goddamn lives. Look at the way you treat other people. Pay attention to what you are doing.
Does anyone wonder why we STILL after thousands of years don't have racial equality? Why men and women and still getting unequal treatment? Why the poor are still poor and the rich are still ungrateful bastards who don't deserve what they have because they can't take care of it properly?

What more can I really say. It's hard to complain about the whole of humanity when there's so much that irks you.

I am aware that there is good in it. I am not blind to that fact.

I wish I could be more blind and deaf to the rest of the shit.

I have better things to do with my time than blog continually on this crap.

Somebody fix this world so I can shut up about it already.